


Quit Bugging Me

by FeralCreed



Category: Borderlands (Video Games)
Genre: Crack, Gen, I'm not sorry, M/M, and bloodwing being done with their shit, and roland being a tired dad, ft morbrick, i kinda feel like i should apologize for how stupid this is but y'know what, make of that what you will, that's it tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-20
Updated: 2020-06-20
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:27:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24823075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FeralCreed/pseuds/FeralCreed
Summary: You know that vid of a guy holding his cat up to kill a bug? It's basically that except with Mordecai and Bloodwing. And nothing going as planned.
Relationships: Brick & Roland, Brick/Mordecai (Borderlands), Mordecai & Roland
Comments: 8
Kudos: 37





	Quit Bugging Me

**Author's Note:**

> I'm adding a note here to say that there's now a Morbrick server on Discord! Click [here](https://discord.gg/5EkUzXvnFy) to join (and right-click and copy the link to invite your friends). See you soon!

“What,” Roland asked, “the fuck are you doing?”

“Shut up, Roland,” Mordecai said almost amiably, pushing his hand up toward the ceiling of the Crimson Raiders' headquarters again. Bloodwing was sitting on Mordecai's wrist. Mordecai was sitting on Brick's shoulders.

It was, by far, the strangest thing Roland had seen in a while. And though he'd never considered himself any kind of bird whisperer, the raptor looked unimpressed even to his eyes. He took a moment to inhale deeply, hoping to shake off Mordecai's attitude, and then looked to Brick in search of an answer.

“There's a roach on the ceiling,” Brick supplied. A glance up proved that yes, there was an abnormally large one, half the size of a man's palm, huddled down near a crack in the ceiling. One massive hand shifted from Mordecai's ankle to rest on his knee instead as the sniper leaned farther to the side than he probably should have. “An' he didn't want to squish it himself.”

“You're two of the most dangerous men on Pandora. You are _not_ using a highly trained, man-killing bird of prey to get a cockroach,” Roland said. He had a sinking feeling that they were. Mordecai was known for bad ideas. Brick was known for only stopping the ones that were likely to put him in danger. This? Much as he hated to say it, this was entirely plausible.

“Everyone needs help sometimes, Roland,” Brick said earnestly.

Roland sighed and decided not to take the time to explain that he knew that and that wasn't why he was judging them. “Okay, but why?”

“Roaches are gross, man,” Mordecai said, glancing down at him with a wholly disgusted expression. “I ain't touchin' that shit. It's nasty.”

“I've seen you covered head to toe in blood and you draw the line at roaches.” Roland couldn't quite muster up the inflection to make it a question. And it wasn't anyway, was it?

“Hey, they look weird and they have too many legs. An' you're gonna give me another lecture if I just shoot it like I did last time.”

Roland had to concede that point. He'd made it clear that the next person to discharge a firearm indoors, unless it was to save their lives, was going to get a thorough thrashing. For some ungodly reason, the people who lived on Pandora seemed to have no trouble with putting bullets in walls. Or sometimes through them, in the case of more powerful weapons, which was ultimately what had led to there being a problem. Turns out those same people didn't like being shot.

“Okay, but why Bloodwing?” he asked. “He's an apex predator.”

“Yeah, makes 'im a perfect choice for hunting,” Mordecai replied, and tried shoving the raptor towards the ceiling again.

Bloodwing hunched his shoulders and bobbed his head down to avoid hitting it on the ceiling. He shifted his weight and fluffed his feathers. Mordecai tilted his hand from side to side as if that would encourage him and got a sharp nip to his fingers in reply.

“Ow, you bitch!”

The expletive had no apparent effect on the bird.

“Mordecai,” Roland said.

“Yeah?”

“Just squish it yourself. You're wearing a glove anyway.”

“No way, I told you, it's gross. Besides, it's good practice for Blood.”

Roland swore that Brick and Bloodwing gave Mordecai matching 'are you kidding me?' looks. Or kind of, anyway, because Brick couldn't really get a good look at his boyfriend from that angle.

Mordecai, to his credit, evidently had no intention of giving up just because Bloodwing kept pecking at his fingers. Instead he kept hissing out increasingly annoyed orders for the bird to direct his attention to the cockroach. As Roland and Brick expected, nothing came of it. For a moment they thought something might happen when Bloodwing cocked his head to eye the roach as it started moving, but he ultimately did nothing and just settled more comfortably on Mordecai's wrist.

Silence reigned for a long moment. Roland debated breaking his own rule and just shooting the damn bug to get rid of it.

“Mordy's stubborn.”

“Shut up, Brick.”

“Well y'are! And petty.”

“Shut _up!_ ”

“Petty?” Roland wasn't sure if he wanted to know, but he had to ask. And from the way Brick immediately grinned, and Mordecai threatened not to sleep with him for a week if he told, there was clearly a story there.

“It fell off the ceiling and right in his drink. An' Mordy screamed like a girl an' threw it across the room an' then got mad that he wasted it.”

This time it was Brick's turn to be called a bitch by an irate Truxican. He seemed to mind it about as much as Bloodwing had. Roland, for his part, could only sigh. Evidently this was what happened to Vault Hunters when they no longer had vaults to hunt. They screamed when they saw cockroaches and then tried to sic their raptors on said cockroaches instead of killing it themselves. How the mighty had fallen.

“You have fifteen seconds to figure out who's killing the cockroach before I shoot one of you.”

“That's not fair,” Brick said with a frown. “It was Mordy's idea.”

“Don't rat me out!”

“Okay, fine. Mordecai, you have fifteen seconds to find a way to kill the cockroach before I shoot you.”

“Hey!”

“I'd do what he says.” Brick patted Mordecai's leg. “Faster you do it, faster it'll be over with.”

“Just kill the fucking thing!” Mordecai snapped at Bloodwing. Bloodwing hissed back at him.

Roland started counting down from fifteen. That seemed to finally motivate the man with a strangely strong fear of bugs to do something about it. Bloodwing shrieked angrily as a flick of Mordecai's arm sent him across the room, gliding to his perch and sitting there with ruffled feathers that he soon set to grooming. Mordecai slammed his palm up against the ceiling, reducing the cockroach to little more than a smear.

“Was that so hard?” Roland demanded. And then half a second later, “Mordecai what the fuck! That's disgusting!”

Mordecai cackled wildly from his perch on Brick's shoulders as Roland wiped the remains of the cockroach from his forehead, where it had been pelted with sniper accuracy.

“Told you it was gross! You shoulda listened!”

There was a hellish shrieking as Roland threw it back at him, and in his attempts to squirm out of its way, Mordecai overbalanced and fell straight to the floor. Roland wasn't particularly worried that he was hurt. An injured Mordecai was a quiet Mordecai, and the man was currently swearing up a hell of a storm at Roland, Brick, Bloodwing, the cockroach, and all of their mothers. Brick seemed to have reached a similar conclusion and hadn't even turned around.

“Nice seeing you, Roland,” he said cheerfully as Roland turned to leave.

Roland could only muster up a disgruntled noise and a tired wave over his shoulder as he left the room, relieved for once that he had a recon mission out in Frostburn Canyon. Brick was uniquely qualified to calm Mordecai down but that didn't mean that Roland thought it was a good idea to stick around – partly because Mordecai would no doubt want to exact some sort of vengeance and partly because Roland hadn't entirely pushed away the temptation to shoot someone. The sound of angry swearing followed him out onto the street and Roland could only shake his head as he selected Frostburn from the closest Fast Travel station. And here he'd thought their problems would be over when they opened the Vault. Why was his life still so weird? Despite it all, he cast a fond glance over his shoulder towards the headquarters. Weird, certainly, infuriating, constantly, but Roland wouldn't change a thing for all of Pandora. 

**Author's Note:**

> If you think I'm ashamed of that title, you'd be wrong. Mostly.


End file.
